a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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