You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
