If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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