God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
