did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
