I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
