The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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