Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
