i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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