i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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