Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
