Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
