She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
