We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
