your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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