Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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