I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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