I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
