We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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