alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please don't give away my fajitas
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
