as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
