i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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