i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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