im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
