Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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