glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
