He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
