I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
