I wish I could punch you in the face.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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