I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
