Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
