i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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