Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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