This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
