There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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