Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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