and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize