arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
