I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
