walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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