i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
