i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize