Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
