in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize