The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
