just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
