So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
