Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
