Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
