I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
