Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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