it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize