I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize