I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
