What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
