Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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