PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize