Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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