Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
