i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
