He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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