Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
