she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
