The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
