Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
