he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize